Falling apart

...literally.

Ever since the previous week when Ron came down to visit and we hiked up Bray head in totally inappropriate attire - I was in jeans, turtleneck and freaking slippers; while still being down with the cold. What were we thinking!? I could have died up there. If not from over-exhaustion with the flu, I could have fallen off the rocks The view was worth it, but if I did die, surely it wouldn't be worth that!?

But that's past - and was only the beginning of the worst. I injured my feet somehow, unsurprisingly. And wanting to make the most out of Ron's short stay in Ireland and in NRW, Germany, we walked around a lot, hiked up a few more places, slept very little. My cough got worse, feet hurting progressed to excruciating leg pains. By the end of my Germany trip, I can't walk a mile without having a seat somewhere. For the first time in my life, I could feel my legs fighting to support my weight. It's like I'm too heavy for my legs to bear.

I knew I would have enjoyed everything so much better if I wasn't sick nor hurting. Despite all that though, I enjoyed myself tremendously and learnt a great deal about the beautiful German culture. It's nothing like what I expected or imagined. It was far far better. I think it's probably Numero Uno in the charts of my favourite European place so far. To be fair, I haven't seen a great deal of the rest of Europe. So we'll see if it keeps being the top. It'll be a tough challenge though. I loved the food, the culture, the friendliness, the language, the beautiful people, the rich heritage, the fusion between old and new. Too much to list down.

Ok, get well soon, legs!

Hello

In about an hour, Ron will be here!

Look at his room - I like it better than mine.

I've been so excited about his arrival, and about Germany as well. In fact, I'm so excited, I'm scared I'd be disappointed if what I'll be presented with isn't on par with the hype I've been creating for myself. Okay, actually it's tough ever being disappointed in a totally new place. It takes a huge asshole to ruin that for me. Bless me I won't meet any assholes. Mm yeh.

I think I'm down with the flu though. Very bad throat. It's not very fun when I have something exciting to look forward to. I hope I get better soon. Which reminds me that I need to fit 'going to the pharmacy' into one of the itineraries for this week.

-
Anyway, yesterday was a great deal of fun. We met up with Uncle John's sisters. One who's here from Canada for her 50th birthday. They were a great friendly bunch. Like Uncle John was joking, "You have to meet my sisters, Nura. They're really nice people. Nicer than us."

I've never felt like I could talk so much and be on such friendly terms with anyone here before until yesterday. Riyan seemed extremely pleased as well, seeing his best friend-cum-cousin was there that night. The whole night was spent with them retelling the stories of mischief they got up to when they were kids up to their adolescence. Both got busy - Riyan started work, Derrick enlisted in the army, and poof, they grew distant. It was nice though seeing both of them laughing throughout the night. Warm, fuzzy feeling. I know if Riyan ever reads this, he'd be going "Please don't make it sound so girly." But I can't help it. Haha.

I finally met Terry and John as well, after the clash of schedules the previous 2 visits and never getting to meet up. They were the first few people I got to talk to online after Riyan, yet they were the last I got to meet. It wasn't a very happy occasion for them to be around for though. Terry's mum passed away and everyone happened to be around for the funeral, at the same time as the reunion was held. He didn't show much emotion yesterday night though. According to the rest, he's never the sort who's ever public with his emotions. Whatever it is, I'm only wishing the best for Terry.

Changes

In an hour's time, I'll be heading down to the house of Riyan's cousin who's leaving to Saudi Arabia this Saturday. She's married to a Saudi Arabian man and they both have 6 lovely (and I really do mean lovely) kids. The older kids probably have a bigger recollection of how living in Saudi Arabia was, compared to the younger ones.

It'll be a big change for the kids, I suppose, moving back after getting used to the Westernized world, leaving their friends behind. It's always tough migrating somewhere and leaving everything familiar behind. It's hard when the prospects of you ever meeting your friends again seem slim for several years, and even harder when the cultural differences are vast apart. When you're so immune to socialising the Westernized way, you'll be handicapped in a more restricted society, especially for the girls. I believe there'll always be the pros and the cons in every situation though. I'm sure they'll settle in over time in their own ways. It's a matter of how quick or how slow.

Njósnavélin

Riyan has been replaying this song many times before, among other songs he liked. I've been finding this music in the soundtrack of my own dreams as of late. Not a bad one at all. I liked how at the end of the music, the lead singer actually plays violin on his guitar. (You can't see it in this video, obviously. But you can search for Njosnavelin on youtube.)

Anyway, I mentioned the film 'Moon' in a previous Edinburgh entry. I managed to catch the International Premiere at the 63rd Edinburgh International Film Festival. We were told to vote for the movies we watched and I gave it a full 4/4 stars. I kept going on about it being the best film I've watched in a long time. How I was amazed at the speed and efficiency of the production, how the plot and editing all turned out brilliant. Anyway, I forgot to mention - the director and screenwriter Duncan Jones is the son of rockstar David Bowie! Which was why it was thrilling seeing him being all modest and fidgety at the front of the stage. (Maybe). For a film with such a small budget, it deserved a standing ovation, and more. So apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought that way because it did win the Best New British Feature.

Someone give me a job as a budding film critic already! Just kidding. (Though the gesture would still be nice and greatly appreciated)

Father figure

So I notice we've been developing this habit of keeping away the sugar and milk in the hotels so they'd keep refilling them, only to realise we really don't need that much. And end up taking them back home.

I remember I was clearing the bag after Edinburgh, and the side zip was overloaded with all the milk, sugar, teabags, coffee sachets. They almost literally burst out the sides. I couldn't help but laugh.

N: "Unbelievable! I only took one sachet of hot chocolate mix and two coffee sachets! What is THIS? 5 teabags, 4 coffee sachets, 6 milk packets, and look at all those sugar! Don't we already have sugar at home?"
R: "Um... -with a huge smirk- Freeee sugar tastes even sweeeeeter..."
N: "Is that what you're going to teach the kids? Finders keepers and all that?"
R: "Uhhuhh..." -nods head-
N: "Okay.. I think you've just dropped a few notches down the appealing 'father figure' level."

Wrong purpose

Cork City (F/7.1, 6s)

While walking on the streets of Cork's city centre, on the day of our anniversary.
R: "What date is it today? Is it 3rd? Or is it 4th of July? ... EH HEY!! -he smooches me- Happy birthday, America!!"
N: "Fuck you."

3rd Anniversary

For the first time in 3 years, we're actually in the same country for our anniversary. It's a stressful day for me though - having to book an appointment with the optician just to get a prescription for my contact lenses despite being a contact lens wearer for the past 3 years. I have to fork out some money for that, and then hopefully get new contact lenses. Or maybe not seeing how complicated the system seems to be over here. It's almost ridiculous how eyechecks are free back home and even while I was in France. And how we could get the lenses off the shelves but not here. The latter made sense though, seeing it'd encourage more people to get their eyes checked regularly. Well, I need them for the next 2 months I'm here anyway so I have not much of a choice really. When in Rome, act as the Romans do. (It's frustrating sometimes though)

He has a long day today so I'm not seeing him yet. And when I get back I have to start packing for the weekend. We'll be heading westward to Cork, also to watch Des Bishop live. That'll be good enough :)

Watch his clips on youtube. :D

Why I don't want to be famous

f/9, 1/320s

My reasons are out there at the moment, obvious for the world to see. The moment you have a true bite of fame, you'll never be out of sight even if you want to, even if you've died. Privacy doesn't exist in a famous man/woman's dictionary. Well, it does. But it doesn't in the paparazzi who's chasing after you. You live with no privacy, you die with no privacy. Posthumously, you still have no privacy as secrets (true or not) are digged up from the past - by people who finally dare to speak up without your existence to stop them.

Being famous is such a scary thing. Even if I stop making money out of my own fame, others will ironically be making money off me. When I'm in debt and need money, the money is rolling into someone else's pockets, not mine.

Like people usually said, when the high gets really high, you should only expect the low to be really low as well. For someone to be ridiculously famous, his downfall is only just as big.

Candice told me the media always milks it for all it's worth - and from what I see - even more than what it's worth. But people lap it all up anyway. Money isn't the root of all evil, it's the underlying greed of people that is the root of all evil.

It's not just people who are "celebrating" Michael Jackson's life that is making money off him. It's people who "hate" his every existence that is making money off him, writing books, or even writing hate articles about him. The traffic to their sites, the money earned from curious minds. It's a hell lot of money to be made while emotions are high. So, why the hell not?

And this is a dead man we're talking about. So he can't fight back. Throw some ridiculous statement about how he used to bed me when I was 13 and I'd get a high price for exclusive interviews. It's not like anyone's going to rightfully "sue" me for 'tarnishing my reputation'. His records are still selling - faster, I may add. His management's just milking it off, (hopefully paying his debt off posthumously). Bad publicity or good publicity is all great publicity to them now.

My personal stand though? Enough is enough. The man's dead. To be honest, even if he was a paedophile or a confused man, or whatever is used to describe him (Only he knows what he's truly done), it doesn't affect my views from this point onwards because a dead man cannot do anything more. All his great deeds were overshadowed by his big 'obsession'. If I had a kid who was molested, all I'd ever want is for the man to have a terrible life and for him to die. And he did have a terrible hated life and he did die. So isn't that the end of the story?

Not for a famous man.

The King of Pop has died

The child star of Jackson 5 and famous as... the man himself, Michael Jackson, who needs no introduction.

I grew up listening to his music, man. I'm pretty sure many people did. He was the Elvis Presley of our time or maybe more - definitely more. Seeing he managed to release far more albums during his time and he became an international household name - from New Zealand to Singapore, to Korea, to Turkey, Morocco, Europe, and the USA. Heck he even visited the non restricted partsof Saudi Arabia! His were probably the earliest albums I'd ever owned - well, shared with my elder brother. Cassettes bought for us as gifts by Dad, his live shows were taped. We owned all his albums...even up till his latest one. Though his "oldies" were probably the best. My dad and elder brother caught front row seats to catch him while he was in Singapore when I was a teeny kid. I remember bawling over not being able to attend because I was "too young".

He led one of the most controversial lifestyles ever but he was definitely unique in his showmanship and music. And probably the only celebrity I'd ever really feel screwed up about, upon hearing confirmations of his death. What a timing as well - he was to embark on his 50-day European tour in 1 and half weeks or thereabouts.

It's honestly, quite upsetting. Farrah Fawcett (someone I don't really know but was big in the previous generation) passed away this morning. MJ's death completely overshadowed hers though but death is always sad. Celebrities just get more attention so... RIP.

[4am L.A. Time]

Ne pas touche!

I dreamt I had a full conversation with my boyfriend in French, with no interruptions and dilution in language.

R: est-ce que je peux le manger?
N: ne pas touche!
R: pourquoi?
N: aucun pourquoi.
-insert more giggles and long french conversations about random things which I've completely forgotten by now-

I have no idea if any of it even made sense to a French person. It just happened to make a lot of sense to me, in my little dreaming head. But it felt really good, having the language at the tip of your tongue. It's like a wake up call or something telling me I haven't spoken any other language aside from English ever since I got here. Not Malay, not Chinese, certainly not German nor French. It starts being quite a bore, really. I'm looking forward to when Ron comes down - even a little Singlish might be refreshing. And Germany. Or maybe even a Gaeltacht area in Cork? Or get Milena to speak to me in all the languages she ever knows aside from English. Hahahaha. Well, I shall not drag anyone else into this self-started problem of my own. Uhhuh. Enough of this.

So I reached Ireland at 12am Wednesday due to flight delays in Edinburgh, no thanks to the sudden fog and mist that came in just as we're about to depart. By the time we got home, it was about 1am. Riyan had to get up at 4am to be in time for work at 6am. Obviously, he got home looking wrecked and plopped right into bed and slept from 1.30pm all the way till uh, the next morning, which is today, at 6am. It's amazing how one can sleep so much.

Right now, I have no rice at home, no bread. So it's pasta time. (edit: I got lazy and made salad)

And I forgot what else I wanted to write. Ok bye world.