This time, I'm not talking about lavish ambitions lurking at the back of your head, serving as reminders to keep doing what you're doing to get to the special there.
I'm talking about the visuals that visit you in the dead of the night (or any time of the day, actually) while you're asleep. Don't you ever wish the visuals in your mind could be recorded through some trusted medium, seeing how technology seems to be so advanced these days. Haha. Then I wouldn't have to bother explaining how freaked out I feel after a nightmare, or how beautifully fantastical the dream was. And you can always replay it if you want to get freaked out (no need for horror movies! This one freaks you out the most, seeing it'll be your personal deepest fears), or if you want to feel warm fuzzy feelings after a bad rough day out at Life.
I dreamt of a very beautiful old castle, copper in colour, and is partly destroyed. It's covered with sand at the top, almost like a dessert with tents. It was a very weird setting but very beautiful all the same. And I wish I could take a picture of it.
Maybe one day, it'll happen. We'll see. But in the mean time, here's something close- New Technology Could Display Dreams on Screen: Link 1 Mind Reading Software:Link 2 Scientists Might Be Able to Watch & Record Dreams: Link 3
Anyway, I came across a video of these two girls, looking and sounding fairly similar. Which is not a bad thing, seeing they both look cute, and both sound beautiful. Doubling a good thing, is not a bad thing, is it?
I always thought it's amazing when someone's able to play alongside their best friend/their partners with such a passion and harmonise beautifully. It's such a rare thing and when you witness something like that, it almost always moves you.
As you already know, my brother was sent to Manila, Philippines for work on Tuesday morning and won't be back till this coming Sunday. Ever since then, my parents have been much more attentive to news regarding the two Typhoons hitting Asia. (Link) Typhoon Parma and Typhoon Melor which hit Japan (Link). Typhoon Parma which was set to change its course and return to Philippines due to Melor pushing it away, seems to have dissipated slowly. That merely results in more heavy rains that is ongoing there, and strong winds. My brother dropped me a text last night telling me it gets pretty tiring having to walk against the strong winds and dealing with the rain. And the waters from the floods the previous week hasn't even fully cleared out yet.
It's been quite a cataclysmic few weeks for Asia, serving as regular reminders of how unpredictable life can be. It's as easy to gain it as to lose it. I can't wait to see my brother again on Sunday.
If you're bored and would like to see a really hot tempered kid breaking things in his house and whingeing about his dog attacking him, head down to: Link.
Be it staged or real, it remains entertaining. I just won't wish for a live re-enactment in my own home. Let's face it, it's only fun at a distance. Ahah.
P.S. Haha I just refreshed my page and saw a KLM advert flashing at the top of my blog and I had to say something about it. KLM's the main airline I've stuck with when flying to Europe. I love them to bits. They're celebrating their 90th anniversary, yay! And having a contest right now with prizes ranging from Macbook Air, Asus laptop, and a round trip to Amsterdam for two. And I love their Holland Herald page with all the photo competition for frequent flyers. :D
I can't wait for the first half of tomorrow to be over and maybe then, I'd start blogging with a little more happy zest for life. And maybe add a stash of photos. We'll see. I've got to upload the photos from over the weekend - Ron's first try at celebrating Hari Raya/Eid'ul Fitr, complete in his own bright coloured Baju Melayu, looking very fine indeed. Everyone said he could pass off as a Malay. His appearance not only succeeded in fooling the Europeans, but also a few locals who thought he was a Chinese-looking Malay guy.
Aren't we all like chameleons sometimes? Arabs passing off as Americans or Europeans (you might think this sounds strange, but putting aside the stereotypical idea of an Arab man in a turban and white robe-y get up, you'll see what I mean). Albinos passing off as White guys with smaller eyes. (Haha, I think I read a celebrity saying that somewhere.) South Americans passing off as Southeast Asians and vice versa. (I'm speaking from my own experience) Myself mistaken as a French, Italian, Spanish, Columbian or Venezuelan while in Europe, and Thai, Filipino while in Asia. How universal. People just link your looks to something that's most familiar to them. Most people who have mistaken my identity, were all... pretty unfamiliar with how Malays look like.
Just like my lack of exposure to the various nationalities and races in the West, for the most part of my earlier years, has caused me the occasional confusion on who's who. I am still pretty much inept at pointing out the mild stereotypical differences between an Eastern European from a West European. And the posh Irish accent still sounds like an English accent to me, while the Cork accent sounds similar to the Scottish. I've always enjoyed nudging Riyan repeatedly (and as annoyingly as I can) and whispering in his ear "Ahah! Belfast? Cork? North England? Polish?" in spite of being wrong on most counts. It doesn't put me down at all. It only makes me more determined to keep trying my luck (or rather, annoying Riyan out of his wits). Ahh, the feeling's gratifying. One of my hobbies in Ireland, as you have to come to learn. Sadly, I don't have as much things to entertain myself with while I'm there, as compared to when I'm here in Singapore. Perhaps one day, when the transport systems get much more accessible there or when one of us is able to drive, I might pick up a new 'hobby'.
I can't seem to sleep. My brother is headed for Manila this morning. I pray for his safety. Then there's the eye clinic appointment in the hospital I have to accompany my mum for. And a little mental prep for whatever scary things that is to come on Wednesday.
After Wednesday though, I should be able to 'calm the f*ck down' a little more. Hmm, we'll see. Hoping for a little good news to come through by the end of the week.
This is one of the moments where I kind of wish for more testosterone. (Think about the moustaches and the goatees, Nura! Don't wish for it!) Maybe it'd be a tad less difficult for me to comprehend myself and these emotions. Never underestimate a woman's ability to be depressed for no freaking reason!!!
What I do know is that tonight might be one of those nights that I feel the strongest pangs of loneliness, being so far away from him. I hardly blog about how tough the separation is. That's only because I don't want to indulge in it. All that self-pity should be thrown out the window. But yes, it's one of those nights where I just can't run away from it. That I miss you so much, that I wished you are there within reach on the days I don't feel like doing anything at all; munching on chips, and forced to watch Bear Grylls with me eating things less appetising than we are.
Yes, even the times you'd tell everyone how hungry I was, when it was you who was dying to eat. And using my name for almost everything you can, just because. (Come to think of it, you're quite an asshole). I love you all the same. And I miss you. I know one day we'll be able to look back on all those years spent on making this work, feeling absolute euphoria in reaching our destination, throwing our fists in the air like little children having their first expensive toy. (Ok I need a much stronger analogy than this. A million and ten-fold.) And finally re-tell the story of how totally unprecedented our crossing of paths was. And maybe bore some to tears but they deserve a little boredom in their lives once in awhile.
It's been 3 years and 2 months. And I don't know how much longer it's going to take for this whole LDR to end but it's going to be so *insert explosive words* worth it. I know I'm going to sound teeny in this post but fuck it, I don't blog like this very often. I can't waiiiiit. Bah!
I've been re-hooked on this song ever since seeing Travis 'busking' it live. -
Every time I start feeling blah about life and sad over nothing, I wish I had a little more testosterone in my system so I wouldn't be so volatile. Then I realised that I wouldn't want to grow goatees and moustaches, and maybe God was playing fair and giving guys the pain of shaving almost everyday and girls the pains every month, and the ever-lasting fluctuation of moods. Joke.
Anyway, I mentioned yesterday that the weekend forced me into conversations regarding jobs. Every household I visited would include the following "So are you still studying?" - No, "So what are you doing now?" - Looking for jobs, trying to secure interviews.
And then the conversations start to expand. Somehow it made me realise that expectations have changed through the years. People now dream big with not much consideration to the journey there. Everyone dreams of the final destination and not how to get there. Often, people grow extremely disheartened and disillusioned about their dreams, settling for the first few jobs that come by, never satisfied, always wondering what is out there.
During the olden times, Singapore was merely emerging as a first world nation. We were only a developing state. Back then, our parents never really talked about "dreams". Either that or their "dreams" were simple - get a job, build your way up slowly, feed your growing family. Lavish grand dreams were only for the rich, who could afford education past 'O' Levels.
When I was young, I used to think in awe, "Wow my parents stopped their education at 'O' Levels yet they both got pretty admirable jobs." I wonder what my kids will think about me next time? The situation right now in Singapore has changed so much in just one generation. My dad settled after getting his second job at Hyundai Komoco Motors. He started out with nothing but a humble 'O' level certificate and a strong passion for cars. He built his way up from menial tasks, to learning to put apart and put together a car, to representing Singapore on the world car engineering stage, back in 1999, in the annual Hyundai World Skills Olympics and winning the only Gold award (1st prize) ever won by Singapore. And now, he has a group of people training under him. I have nothing but mad respect for my dad. My elder brother seems to have that same drive.
What's a single Diploma or Degree right now when everyone's taking Double Majors, their Masters, their PhDs. Higher education is so much more easily attainable, and in a way, much more affordable than in the past. Back then, people used to say "Get a degree, kid. You'll never be jobless with a Degree." The current times have proven that idea void. A degree only gives you that fighting chance of survival, not a sure-fire way of getting a good job. And for those who can't get scholarships, they almost spend their entire lives paying back the school fees and student loans for the undergraduate years. I'm starting to wonder if the world is only worth living for the rich. But somewhere down the line, there has to be a rich man that started poor. And maybe that rare few extraordinary successes should be our motivation to keep working hard or working smart.
Contrary to what we believed long ago, blinded by our childhood innocence, life does not get any easier as the years go by. But we're supposed to continuously readapt to the changes around us. Life is a constant change, a constant battle, with little spouts of delirium once in awhile. We just have to learn to be more accepting of that fact.
The boss finally called me up to explain the situation, which turned out to be the way I predicted it to be - My folder was misplaced. Apparently he said it "grew so popular, it was passed around and now we can't seem to locate it in the office." I told him I gave them my portfolio in full trust, seeing it was a well established organisation, and I had no reason to doubt them. He was very nice to me about it and sounded very apologetic over the phone and I told him that he sounded like a nice person but the fact remains that my portfolio was gone in their hands. And that, taking 3-4 weeks to get back to me was not a nice way of handling it. I told him I understood their situation with various events coming up that will keep them thoroughly busy, but I remain an outsider and I gain nothing from this. I'm not paid by the company for my stress, they are. They had no right to make my life difficult. I told him that he had to make sure retracing my folder becomes a priority because from the way they kept me waiting, I really didn't feel as though they bothered. He told me he'll try his best.
He further explained to me that the change in management caused them to change their minds in recruiting new employees, and told me maybe they'll start hiring again at the end of the year or in the earlier quarter of next year. In my mind, I was thinking, as long as my portfolio isn't found, I'll never consider working with them again. Because "little" things like this, tells a lot about a company. I may be a little desperate, but I am not that desperate for a job.
I've lost hope on getting back my magazine but it'd still be nice if I were proven wrong once in awhile.
So I went out with a couple of my good friends for Raya visiting on Saturday and I went out with my family today.
It's always busier on the weekends on Hari Raya, seeing how it's the only time people are supposedly free from work. And everyone asked me about work. And the whole conversation about jobs makes me feel a tad sad as I began reflecting on that word - Jobs, and what it represents.
Okay, I'm quite exhausted. I have a couple of things on my mind, but I'll probably fill some space up in my blog tomorrow. Or maybe not. We'll see. Anyway, I'll be kept busy with a couple little stressful events all the way up to Wednesday. So, bless me.
Hope everyone had a great weekend/am going to have a good week.
I cannot believe someone would actually think in such a way.
One of the facebook statuses I saw on Facebook:
Facebook User says "think about it, God will not bring down disasters if the country n its people (govt n citizens) has always done good. its not about geographical whatnots. y Indo? think: terrorist. y America? think: sinful poeple. actually, alot of reasons. gayism, marriage out of wedlock, lesbianism, porn, terrorist, govt haywire etc"
It's one thing having opinions, and another thing spouting nonsense that isn't supported from any sides - be it from a religious or a neutral stance.
All these weather forecasts don't seem to be too positive about the bout of disasters ending any time soon. In fact, the recent Typhoon which hit the Philippines and have since left for its "greener pastures" is predicted to change course and be travelling back in the direction it came from. Meaning to say, Philippines is expecting another stronger typhoon in the wake of the initial one.
So we can only be expecting lots more news coverage on these ongoing issues, happening just a wee bit away. If we could use google map as a video over the week, I'm pretty sure it'll be eye-opening seeing all the footages of the skies in the surrounding cities being so drastically different from the tiny skies lingering above Singapore.
Which is why some people don't like talking about it at all. It's not outright indifference, it's just a defense mechanism built into us to just turn the other way when you're not harmed. It's an incessant logic, knowing if you can't do anything to help, talking won't do much either. It's easier to just tune out and think "They're so far away" when in reality, they're not. And it's not an easy thing either to know you're only talking about it (hot air) while others are feeling the impact of it without choice. It's so much easier to tune out, watch statistics, and just move on with what is left in the world. It's such a tragic reality. But we can only do so much.
My brother's company seems to be adamant in sending him to the Philippines...for work. I'm still unsure how that will turn out. His flight is next week. I'm supposed to join him a day or two later, accompany him rather, but I'm seriously reconsidering his offer.
who would have thought that something so beautiful could be so deadly?
