Insomnia attack

I can't seem to sleep. My brother is headed for Manila this morning. I pray for his safety. Then there's the eye clinic appointment in the hospital I have to accompany my mum for. And a little mental prep for whatever scary things that is to come on Wednesday.

After Wednesday though, I should be able to 'calm the f*ck down' a little more. Hmm, we'll see. Hoping for a little good news to come through by the end of the week.

This is one of the moments where I kind of wish for more testosterone. (Think about the moustaches and the goatees, Nura! Don't wish for it!) Maybe it'd be a tad less difficult for me to comprehend myself and these emotions. Never underestimate a woman's ability to be depressed for no freaking reason!!!

What I do know is that tonight might be one of those nights that I feel the strongest pangs of loneliness, being so far away from him. I hardly blog about how tough the separation is. That's only because I don't want to indulge in it. All that self-pity should be thrown out the window. But yes, it's one of those nights where I just can't run away from it. That I miss you so much, that I wished you are there within reach on the days I don't feel like doing anything at all; munching on chips, and forced to watch Bear Grylls with me eating things less appetising than we are.

Yes, even the times you'd tell everyone how hungry I was, when it was you who was dying to eat. And using my name for almost everything you can, just because. (Come to think of it, you're quite an asshole). I love you all the same. And I miss you. I know one day we'll be able to look back on all those years spent on making this work, feeling absolute euphoria in reaching our destination, throwing our fists in the air like little children having their first expensive toy. (Ok I need a much stronger analogy than this. A million and ten-fold.) And finally re-tell the story of how totally unprecedented our crossing of paths was. And maybe bore some to tears but they deserve a little boredom in their lives once in awhile.

It's been 3 years and 2 months. And I don't know how much longer it's going to take for this whole LDR to end but it's going to be so *insert explosive words* worth it. I know I'm going to sound teeny in this post but fuck it, I don't blog like this very often. I can't waiiiiit. Bah!