Young love

Cork

A friend of mine told me there're lots of young couples on the buses these days. Well, they're everywhere really, but especially on buses getting home from school. Yesterday was the first day I started using public transportation again since I got back. And I realised what my friend said was true!

All these secondary school kids enveloped in tight embraces throughout the bus journey. It made me frown a little, but at the same time, slightly amused. I was frowning because I noticed how young they appeared to be and probably naive to the ideas of "love". Yet I was amused, realising my friends and I used to have massive crushes on boys during then too. Come to think of it, I have friends who probably never tasted singlehood ever since they started the habit of dating from secondary school. And that thought was funny to me - the whole idea that we used to be one of those gushing couples, never taken seriously by any adults. (And finally only understanding why years later) Gosh, we were fucking annoying.

Prep

I'm quite nervous about tomorrow. It seems like I have the faith in everyone else but myself. I feel like I stand no chance against all those degree graduates pitting against me but I know I should have much more faith in myself to at least give my best. Because it sucks to have lost the battle before it even started.

Even if things don't work out and I'm not what they're looking for, it'd be an experience going through a real working interview after so long. (Internships aside). So yes, I'll give my best and whatever the outcome, I must not dwell on it and move on with my life. (Is my prep talk succeeding in calming my nerves? Not really.)

It's a pain knowing how wonderful it'd be tomorrow evening - finally meeting the rest after a long time but having to go through some life-changing event right before that. Life-changing, yes! I know I sound like I'm over dramatising things but I always feel that based on how your interviews or evaluations go, you'll always find out something new about the industry + yourself. So life-changing it is.

I know I get 'stage frights' and often let nerves get the better of me during things like these. I'm just hoping I get to show fully what I've got to offer and that if I face rejection, it's because I'm not what they're looking for - rather than having my nervous wrecked persona screw things up for me... You get the picture.

[Edit @ 3PM, Friday: Postponed to Monday. Just when I thought I was ready to get it over and done with. Haha. While I was in a mad rush to prepare my portfolio and organise everything, I was also wishing the interview was on Monday instead. Well what do you know...I guess my prayers were answered at the wrong time.]

Film censorship

Film censors acting like bullies: http://www.yawningbread.org/arch_2009/yax-1056.htm

Anybody who knows me, will be used to the idea that I'm pretty much more openly patriotic about Singapore than the normal citizen is. BUT, that doesn't mean I'm a blind follower, agreeing to every single policy. There are certain things that do bug me about this little island city. The most apparent one is the harsh and often unnecessary film censorship. I'm not going to talk about freedom of speech. It's so passe and we know we never had total freedom of speech (which I don't really believe in anyway. I find a certain level of control is definitely necessary in this small city) in the first place. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be transparent about the process nor does it mean they should disallow topics that really, is as offensive as a harmless baby. Banning films preaching hate is understandable. Banning films showing indisputable reality, encouraging the end of prejudice... I cannot comprehend.

The development of stigma against homosexuality, against sex is completely unnecessary. It's just like how the media years ago planted the seed in everyone's mind that breast feeding is embarrassing and should not be done in public, even if you're fully covered. The idea of breastfeeding itself is thought to be sexual instead of seen as a motherly act. It's the same as to creating the idea that gays are abnormal by banning films showing homosexuals leading normal lives. I'm very much sure homosexuals have existed in high numbers way before any movies were shown - Closeted, that is. Married with kids, and thoroughly unhappy.

Having watched a variety of films away from Singapore, I realised we are missing so much. I've always thought it great to have something like the Irish Film Institute, showcasing top notch films from around the world, handpicked by the management. But I realised if this censorship madness continues, there's only so many films we could enjoy in their full glory. What stands after all these over-censorship is the lack of imagination, close-mindedness, immaturity and plain prejudice. Films have the power to educate, and open minds. We're just not given enough of a chance to do so.

If this film act is brushed up accordingly and followed through for future films, Singapore might just be a step closer to being perfect in my eyes.

Mousepig...

...that's exactly what it looks like. Though it's more likely it's a newborn piglet seeing it's all pink and the other is black and they're surrounded by hay-looking things. The real identity of the creature is as clear as the picture. Which is obviously not very clear at all. But well, what really caught my attention is the message that came along with it.

"Feeling down or confused? Make an appointment for a comprehensive face to face fortune consultation" !?

Whaaaat? Or as R would have put it, "it not a-made no sense." That has not the slightest ounce of relevance to the picture. Aside from the very confusing identity crisis, that is. Then again, maybe that's exactly what the advertiser was going for.

Sigh, the things people put out there these days just for people like me to waste time analysing them and write useless posts about.

Macarons

I cannot believe I did not have a taste of that edible rainbow while I was in France! I never even knew of its existence till a few minutes ago, while I was searching up unique pastries of the world on a random whim. A macaron is, as I've hinted, a traditional French pastry made from egg whites, almond powder, and icing sugar - and contains a flavoured cream sandwiched in the middle. It's supposed to let you feel like you're biting into a cookie and then melt in your mouth.

They look so pretty too! I'd hang them on my wall if they weren't edible. I'm dead serious. they're almost too pretty to be eaten. And so delicious (at least from the sound of it). I want to try one so badly now.

In memory of the extended

I have a phobia of meeting my extended family. Being indirectly or directly included into the family politics, drama and vicious gossip. The term "extended family" has earned its stigma of people who're not close enough to know you, but close enough for their ignorant judgments of people to reach you. Pissing you off but at the same time, not enough for you to take action and put them back into place. You just, move along with your life with the pretense you've heard nothing but you've heard every single thing you had to understand the extent of their self-created drama.

It's sad that that's the way I view it now. It seems like the more I hear of them and the things they say about everyone else aside from themselves, the more I realise the extended family doesn't really care about you, they just use that as an excuse to add sparks into their lives through vicious gossip. It's like the paparazzi are to celebrities, that's what the extended family is to me. Nearly pests you can't really get away from. You get some good ones here and there, the rest are just out to make themselves feel superior while getting some new leads on a hot story.

I've never enjoyed family gatherings where they serve the latest skewed news on a silver platter, as I was growing up. Being part of it multiple times recently, didn't change my perspective one bit. I seem to exist at functions just as a formality. Nice to see certain faces, terrible to hear what most have to say. The saddest thing is, I don't feel a loss at all. I was never close to them. My childhood memories of them weren't the best either. I learnt the meaning of favouritism at a very young age, shaken about by people I barely registered as 'family'. I guess that was never rid of through those years. How can I, when they've never given themselves a chance to get to know me and continue pushing me away with the things they do or say unto myself and everyone else?

Sure enough I know they're happy the way they are, and probably are nice to people they want to be to. But it's not me. And as long as I get my own space, I'm quite fine with it.

Time

Haha, so I won't lie. I haven't been putting much effort in changing my sleeping pattern back to Singapore time.

My watch still reads Irish time. So the first night in Singapore, I slept at 6am because my watch says its 11pm and I woke up at 4.30pm. It's instinctive for me to just grab my phone to check for the time the first thing I wake up, even if it's just a random wake-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night. So I checked the time and it said 9.30am. Ah, it's the normal time I wake up in Ireland anyway. For a slight moment there, I actually really believed it was 9.30am only to the realise the sun was starting to look mild. (Singapore sun sets much earlier than Irish Summer Sun)

Oh right, I didn't change the time.

And I didn't bother changing it even then. It's just much easier counting forward from Irish time to Singapore time than backwards. I can deal with addition, I hate subtractions. Fine, I was just trying to add points to my argument.

Press play

My current short play list I listen to the first thing I wake up, and the last thing before going to sleep.

1. Everybody's here - Electrico
2. Dance wiv me - Dizzy Rascal ft Calvin Harris
3. The day I died - Just Jack
4. Fett's Vette - MC Chris
5. Life is beautiful - Vega 4
6. Show me what I'm looking for - Carolina Liar
7. In the midnight - Langhorne Slim

They're the songs he played over and over back in Ireland. So much so that I became accustomed to having to listen to them to feel like he's still next to me.

They're nice songs though. Go have a listen to them on youtube or something if you guys haven't heard of the songs before. You'd have a laugh at Fett's Vette. ;D

<3

When you run into my arms
we steal a perfect moment



Will you come back to me?
I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in

Life is beautiful, but it's complicated
we barely make it
We don't need to understand
There are miracles, miracles

Stand where you are
We let all these moments pass us by
It's amazing where I'm standing

There's alot that we can give
This is ours just for the moment
There's alot that we can give.

If

If there's one thing I could do, I'd like to collect hugs and store them in a jar, so I can release them and use them in moments like this.

Sigh. Such a pretty thought.