Up the Dublin Mountains
I realise through the years, I'm not exactly a dull person with lack of imagination, lack of ideas. Yet, I've not really done something I can be absolutely proud of, fists in the air, screams of joy and streams of tears pouring down my face in pride. Nope, not just yet. (To be kind, I've just entered the 'real world' sort of.) Well, something close to that was way back when I'd gotten a high aggregate score in my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE), making me eligible for the top stream in secondary school and eligible for a third language (which essentially started my interest in foreign languages of all kinds) after years of not doing anything extra from school homework. Yup, that was about the closest bit to absolute euphoria I had. I never got the same 'high' ever since.
I've made little wrong choices here and there that affected the life I'm leading now. It's amazing how at decisions implicating me would have an effect as drastic as this many years on. Who would have known. Maybe that's why 'they' say we should never live life with regrets, seeing you could regret just about anything in your life. Focus on the positive more than the bad.
Fine, no huge regrets then. But it's still interesting to extract the lessons from these near-misses. I guess I didn't have much of an ability to look forward, plan what I wanted to be in future. I've been living in the present all those years. And I was extremely ambitious to the extent of being naive yet not having enough to fuel my interest. It's like having a one-off exciting idea, but having not enough fuel for it to be shaped to its full potential. Up until meeting R. The whole journey so far, painted a much clearer picture of what I want in the future. Plus, I have a couple of side projects I want to embark on, as long as it takes. And slowly, I backtracked from the destination I wanted to reach - Before that happens, what would I need? Before that, what would I need to change? etc.
It makes living life so much more bearable. Now it's just focus, dedication, tears and pinch of luck for everything to gradually settle into place. Patience, patience. Even if we don't end up at the destination, having a focus will allow us to move forward in life, no? And hopefully, open up more opportunities along the way to switch courses, compared to where we're standing now.
Of course, there'll be painful setbacks every time. It's just a long learning process and for me, a more positive mindset is a start, at least.
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