It's a vast improvement this time though. Even though I did cry when we said our goodbyes, I didn't stomp my feet (lol, seriously, that was how much control I used to have over myself), I didn't ask if I could lose my passport, and I didn't consider deliberately missing my flight. Most importantly, I only cried that few seconds in his arms and didn't cry ever since then.
"Maybe we're getting used to it bit by bit."
No, I don't think that's it. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I've just learnt from past experiences that the more I look back, and the more I prolong the period before finally walking away and leaving, the less control I'd have over my emotions and the more effort it'd take for me to let go and break away from his embrace. The weaker I would have felt, and I didn't want our trips to always end on such a terribly sombre way.
He waited for me, watching me walking in line to the security check area, and I turned occasionally, only to realise the more I turned to look at him, the more I wanted to cry again. So with one final wave goodbye, I walked through the gates without looking back. And in that moment, it felt like the toughest thing I've ever had to do.
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