The worst kind of people

...are people who don't realise how flawed they are, and feed off others' lives. Who turn the positive into negative, who don't even know how much an effect their actions or words may have on others.

I haven't blogged for awhile now. The past few days were spent battling against losing my composure. Perceptions exist everywhere, you either prove it to be true, or you keep silent about it because when we act on a "stereotype", on a "prejudice", what else can the outcome be?

Don't start something, you're not ready to finish. On the contrary, I did, read everything over and over before I reacted. The more I understood the underlying messages, the deeper the hurt, the more permanent a reminder for the future of whom I should be wary of.

I've learnt that using "blood-family" as a "right" to speak whatever you want about someone else's life, is no longer a valid excuse. To me, that right probably belongs to someone who knows the particular person well enough to know what he wants, what would make him happy. It could be his best friend, or a sibling who is -actually- close to him. I don't think it's right for someone who has said nothing, spoke nothing to him, to suddenly cut in and say the rudest things to his partner. I just, don't think it's right.

I placed myself in her shoes, thinking about my two brothers. I may have been unhappy with several decisions my brother made but "his options" and "his choices" would inevitably mean he wants them, that he wants the outcome of those things more than the other scenarios. If he wants something, I will never speak over my head and be selfish in my subjective views to stop him from any "subjectively wrong" decisions he may make.

To me, a right decision, is a decision that makes you happy. And in this case, it is not your decision to make. You have your own family now, give him a chance to make his own. It is not his obligation to live out his life under your expectation.

Some people, never listen though. They never succeed in grasping the concepts relayed by the other parties. They read, and acting off their selfish views, seem to interpret messages through a skewed perspective - in the end, serving the message futile.

Yes, I was upset, I was sad, I was angry. Angry that we had to stand for any of that, angry that everybody understood what I was talking about except the one person who should. I was angry that she never seemed to still explicitly speak what in the world was her true intention, what in the world did she expect to happen when she said those things, and what in the world did she want to happen? And what made her assume the worst of me and the relationship?

And at the final moment of apology, she still, did not realise to keep her words in check. Sacrifices? Let me explain to you what a sacrifice mean. It means to be acting against one's willingness for the better future. That is not how he sees it. He WANTS everything he's ever talked about. He's more excited about all of it than anyone else is. And that makes me happy because he's happy. Because after all he's done, all I want him to be, is happy. Which someone who "cares" for him has failed the past few days to understand, and to support him through.

And whoever gave an uninvolved the right to measure who sacrificed what in a relationship? Were you there when my beloved grandmother passed away unexpectedly in Singapore while I was here because he had school and couldn't make the visit instead? Do you know I have to constantly risk my reputation with people back home, whenever I come over to visit him on my own as a girl from a traditional Asian family? Were you there when I had to defend my guts out for him all the time? No, you weren't. You never were. And there is so much more that is much too personal for me to put here that you never knew.

Were you expecting such a bad start to end off with a beautiful ending? Did you expect me to feel some baseless guilt and leave him? Do you think that would make him happier?

I tried to dig into everything and find something positive out of it, but I failed. I failed to find any nuances of positivity. Zilch!